Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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