just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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