I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
