watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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