So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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