if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
