bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
