I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
