I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
