The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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