I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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