where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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