Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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