I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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