Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
