your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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