Plan B is the new Plan A
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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