Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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