we have pet lesbian snakes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
