Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
