also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
