Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
