I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
