the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
