If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
