how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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