farters have to be the big spoon...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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