Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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