Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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