Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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