he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
