you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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