The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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