ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
