if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
