I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
