Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
