And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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