his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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