Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Randomize
