Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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