It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize