You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
