I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
