I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
