tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
