As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
