So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
