Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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