I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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