I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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