I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
