So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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