as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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