She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
