Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
