Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
