I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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