bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
