WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
