Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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