i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
