Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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