i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
