thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize