I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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