Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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