is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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