she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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