a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
