after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
