I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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