walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
