I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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